Understanding Through Hurt

When we hurt someone or someone hurts us… what are the reasons for it? 

Why do people choose the words they do?  Why do these words hurt so much?

The enemy of our soul knows the exact why to hurt us.  He knows what words to use.  He knows what words stop us in our tracks.  And he will use anyone to say them...  Some do not believe this but what words scream out for you to speak in the midst of conflict?

What voice are you listening to in the midst of hurt?  Do we absorb those hurtful words- those words that sometimes come out of no where like a sniper shot.   Why now? Why come after you?  What did you deserve to get such words?  Or were you just in the path at the wrong time?  Or is it because you are a child of God?  

Why did people hurt each other? Do they hurt us because of something in their past? Do they lack understanding and compassion? Are they suffering themselves? Do they lack self-esteem? Are they so hard hearted that it has made their brain hard as well. The brain seems to not know or even care what is coming out of their mouth.  Not only that but have seemed to forgotten has badly they have treated you.  You confront them on it and they seem to have to no recollection of those times.   They seem to even think they have done you some kind of good service by doing what they did.  They had some reason to say and do the things they did....   


Beware of such folks... forgive them but keep them arm distance away from you.  Some people believe to forgive is to forget... and I tell you: You are to forgive where they have "pained" you so so the pain doesn't fester and become infected and cause you resent and hate and become revengeful and drag your soul to hell but you don't forget.  God tells us we must forgive others or we will not be forgiven besides you want to go to hell for someone's wrong? You want to live in a prison of your own hate while they walk around free?  WHY?  Christians aren't their own... not only do they have to answer to God for their wrongs but we should feel sorry for those who hurt us because they will have to answer to God because we are His.

I have found we must be careful who we lean towards and trust.  We must be careful who we look to for affirmation.  Some people will take the very words you have spoken in confidence and use them against you.  Learn from those situations.... just because people give you tokens of their thoughts you don't have to spill your thoughts as well especially if you don't want what you have shared to be given to other people.   

Where is the mind when we "expectantly or unexpectedly" get hurt by someone?  Is it all based on emotions and the natural tendency to get even, flee, to get on the side of offense or defense....?  Some people, particularly men have a difficult time pin pointing why they feel a certain way so they cover it over with some other defense... some so afraid of what others might think of them lie and lie and lie and when the lies don't do anything for them anymore they RUN.  That is why is is so important to have loving respectful honest conversation with our spouse.  If they don't feel safe in sharing their feelings and feel as if their feelings will be used against them then you are pushing that person AWAY! 

What is our natural tendency to do when we get hurt?  Do we "stuff it" only for it to blow up later.   Do we let it burden us?  Do we take it to heart?  Where does the mind GO when it gets hurt?  Do we believe what people say more then what God has told us?  Do we hold onto the hurt or give it God?  Do we say, "HERE GOD take it" but on our way out, pick it up again?
 Why do you think God’s word says to love Him with all your heart and mind?

God says to not strike back in word or action for God has total knowledge of the situation.  TURN the other cheek but it is difficult to do when we don't put our focus on God and our spiritual scale is off kilter....  God emphasis on our lives need to be more then people's words and actions- good or bad.  For we will not stand before people but God when God takes an account of our life.

Matthew 5:22 "But I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the high council. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell."
 
Some people might want to seek an explanation but depending on the person we might not want an explanation.   We might humbly say we are sorry for whatever offense we might have caused and if nothing else is said- maybe it is best to let it go without an explanation.  When you talk to someone about how they hurt you, don't get sucked into even more damaging emotions and feelings... some people have a special ability to make you feel worse after speaking to them....  If you know that is the tendency with such a person it is best to let it go.   Do what you know is right... God knows... God knows... God knows...  Honor God and at the right time God will honor you.

When we get hurt, not of any fault of our own, are we gaining some kind of understanding or getting a little taste of what Christ went through for us?
So the actions and whipping tongues hurt for a little while but as long as we are "reminded" what Christ took upon himself we will not lose faith. We will not give into negative thoughts that breed resentment, anger, fear, frustration, revenge and/or wrath but we will hold fast to the tower of our strength and be encouraged by the Holy Spirit. Grace and forgiveness will flow from us- replacing the natural tendencies that only come from human understanding.

Remember everything not done in love is worthless. (1 Corinthians 13:3) Ask yourself, will what I do and say be out of love or out of pointless selfishness and/or vengeance?  Ask yourself- do you belong to yourself or God?

Words can be an ally or an enemy according to Proverbs.

• "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger."
• "Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."
• "Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."
• "A person’s words can be life-giving water, waters of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook."
• "Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach; the right words on a person’s lips bring satisfaction."

1 Peter 3:2 states to wives: "Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure, godly behavior."  BUT I believe we all can use this verse as well.   Words sometimes just get in the way but unselfish godly actions speak a lot louder then words.
 
 Ephesians 5:25 says "And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church." (Ephesians 5:28) "Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife." ( 1 Peter 3:7) "In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together"
Love is what? God’s word says love is:
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

Jesus says this in Matthew 22:37-39: "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind, This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself."

Jesus says in Matthew 5:43 "You have heard the law of Moses says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect."

In order to love someone who has hurt us we must take on the attributes of Christ.

• We must not get caught up in our emotions of ourselves. If you do you’ll find yourself with more heartache.
• We must fully realize the truth that we are not our own but Christ’s.
• We must be reliant on God's love not just on people who are unpredictable.
• We must seek direction from God.  Be in his word gaining a great depth of wisdom and "knowing" knowledge of God's word where God can help us use them in every situation that arises.

When we are able to resist what comes naturally by the mighty power of God we won't be question where we stand when its all over. You won’t feel the mental set back of your human ways or understandings and you will also be able to pray for those who have hurt you. Besides I rather hear apologies then make them, how about you?

1 Peter 3: 13-17 "Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don’t be afraid and don’t worry. Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if you are asked about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But you must do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak evil against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good, if that is what God wants, then to suffer for doing wrong!"

Many martyrs for Christ have died and suffered for doing what was right and because of their suffering and deaths many souls have been saved.

1 John 5:3 "Loving God means keeping his commandments, and really, that isn’t difficult. For every child of God defeats this evil world by trusting Christ to give the victory. And the ones who win this battle against the world are the ones who believe that Jesus is the Son of God."

2 Timothy 3:16; 1 Peter 3:2, 3:7, 3:13-18; Ephesians 1:8; Ephesians 6:10-17, 1 Peter 4:1-19