EVER had a problem you just couldn’t put your finger on? A bombardment of issues sits in front and all around you but the one that makes them all irritating is an elusive one. It’s vague, obscure, and indescribable yet it entangles you. It causes you to stumble. Normally those other stacks of irritations wouldn’t bother you but lately they have been particularly difficult, vexing and maddening and you have been helpless, powerless and unrestrained to act effectively. You notice the effects particularly in your impatience and out bursts of anger. You feel filthy, incompetent and useless and guilty because a Christian shouldn’t have those types of thoughts or feel or act the way you have been living sporadically. If you didn't know any better you would think you have gone back to living your old ways but your faith in Jesus Christ causes you to hang on, to continue to take that step forward instead of backward.
Seeing the issue as elusive, you don’t put much effort into looking for it because if you did somehow find it you would wonder if you even recognized as the elusive issue. This period of time feels like no valley you have been in before. Your Godly advice to others goes void or silent and you withdraw from anything that might present some kind of conflict or challenge. The bible is hard to even pick up and read but you run your hands over the pages anyway to see what you might find. In appearance it looks like depression but you don’t feel depressed just hardened. The cup of life seems only to have a few drops of water and it clear by the hard water stain where the water used to be. Thirsty? Not you... you feel as though you might as well just lay on your back and look at the sun and circling vultures.
You think about the fruits of the Spirit and the aspects of Godly love and wonder what’s nibbling on your root system in this strange place. It doesn't matter if the things are old or new in your life- just the dust is bothersome enough. You wonder how Holy Spirit can live in you and allow these darkened tinges.
Burdened but burdened by what? Wrestling but wrestling with what? How can you wrestle something you can't even see? It could be anything…. small or big. Some of the smallest things set you off and other things just knock against your soul as if you were standing in a hallow metal chimney-stack.
Sooner or later you will be confronted by those close to you. They will ask things like “Are you okay? or "You don't seem like yourself?" You will have to make a choice of becoming prideful and saying nothing or humbling yourself and admitting something IS bothering you.
I suggest you confide your frustrations, haunts and horrors of war with those Christians you trust. Those whom have noticed this obvious change. Know they are only a sounding board- not the solution. Ask for prayer and realize in order to receive peace and reprieve you have to accept them from God. Realize that having "dismay" in your life is a choice. Continue to submit and call on God’s wonderful mercy and powerful grace. Realize there are tunnels in life that are just dark by nature and God is the best one to carry us through them.
“Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you. Peace to all who place themselves in his hands.” Philippians 4:6-9
Issues will come and go but realize everything good happens in his timing but we just have to allow God to do his job.
God Bless
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